Thursday, June 16, 2011

Heading Towards the Finish Line

Hi baby, Mommy's crazy thought for today. Please know that despite this worries I am still happy and still amaze for having you... Iloveyou more each day baby.
I'm on my last trimester with less than 10 weeks until the estimated date of delivery—sixty seven more days to go. I am looking forward to embrace the beauty (as well as the other side of it of course) of parenthood.

Sleepless and Midnight trips to the bathroom to empty my bladder became my way of life this trimester. Getting a good night sleep became difficult again. My bumpy belly (bigger than before) brings no comfort.  That’s why I’m here blogging this early (it's four in the morning).

I’m very excited at the same time a bit impatient about meeting my child. The wait is longer than it seems. I can’t imagine myself waiting for another 10 more weeks.  Taking too long...
Along this waiting are my questions and fears. I can't pretend everything is fine. I have worries, too.

My “seem to be endless list of concerns” include…  

1. The fear of the unknown. While people around me are so eager to know of my baby’s gender. I am, on the other hand, is quite worried if my child is normal. Being once in a class of embryology, paediatrics, Obstetrics, gynaecology, genetics I am aware of certain possibilities. I wonder from day to day if my baby will be and is perfectly fine. 

2. The possibility of having serious complications during delivery aside from developmental failure. I’m praying for a trouble-free birth.

3. If I can cope up the pain of labor. What if I’ll collapse?!?  I’m just holding on to the fact that millions of women survived labor and delivery pain.Pain is temporary... It is! it really is! 

4. Financial aspect is getting on my way. I think of diapers, formula, clothing, bedding, cribs, toys, and much more. I should be preparing them, but I haven’t started yet. I wanted everything done before the baby arrives but we need to save for hospital bills and emergency medical cases instead.

5. Relationship with my partner, family and friends. My baby will surely bring changes. A lot of changes. I hope I can handle the pressures other than the things I listed on my post Bits and Pieces of me --things I already accepted that those will no longer be part of my life anymore. 

6. The Grandparents are going to "take-over" my child. My baby's grandparents from both sides are just as excited. What if they will re-live their early parenthood days and not allow me to feel the beauty of being a first-time mom? But I can’t deny the fact that needed help and they know best. I can really sense clash of ideas between us soon.

7. Worry that I won't be good mother. I guess I’ll just wait for my baby so my parenting instincts will kick in. 

8. Worry if we could provide. We are definitely challenged to offer the best of this world. The protection, the comfort, a good future, the necessary guidance, and less the fear of being alone.

9.  Going back to Med School. Being a “supposedly Soon-to be MD” (currently a Mom-to be), out of school and a super bum for that matter, I doubt if going back to school will still be an option after I gave birth. Although I have plans, going back won’t be easy anymore. I wonder who will look after my child and if I am strong enough to sacrifice.

10. The least I could ever think of is my physique. I’ve been feeling looking exhausted becoming the most ugly woman in our town. I never seen the motherly glow they’ve been talking about.  I got this nose like of Rudolph the red-nose reindeer; I got swollen ankles, my neck turned dark, etc.. Don’t get me wrong, I am not the kind of a supermodel neither the beach bum who wears two-piece prior my pregnancy. I’m not, but confidence lessened a bit. I’m starting to hate skinny pretty ladies my age.
  
Albeit all these fears is the simple truth that I am overjoyed. I know I can do better than all these. Looking forward to see my first born sometime in August. 

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