Wednesday, April 27, 2011

baby bump

Hi baby!!! look at this bump...You're inside and you love to kick especially during midnight :) you are so naughty little one... Mommy is having a hard time in getting a good sleep. but that doesn't matter much to me as long as you are healthy and kicking.
Iloveyou my dear...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The day you scared me...

Just talked to your Dad, he was trying to calm me down because I am honestly scared. I can't help but cry. Everything is sinking in and the thought that I almost lost you is freaking me so badly. He told me everything will be alright. I just have to be strong and I should trust you.
Here's what happened... 

I woke up as early as one in the morning that Friday, 15th day of the month. I grabbed my cell phone on a wooden ottoman just beside my bed to make sure of the time and to check the sent items. I hardly remember what I felt the night before but I am pretty sure I message every single thing to my partner. I hate waking up in the middle of the night for I felt a little lost.  Such a strange feeling that sometimes it feels like falling oneself from a high. 

 The last text message I sent to my partner was an hour ago which means I did not have enough sleep yet. I told him how active our baby was, my lower back aches and I felt so tired despite doing nothing at all but watch any Hollywood movies that is showed on Star movies or HBO channel. 

That moment I felt pain, my lower abdomen contracted more than my baby moves. Moreover, it seems heavy like my baby wanted to push its head out my tummy. I was trying to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me and my baby—that the pain I felt was a mere part of a normal pregnancy I was trying to tolerate every pinch of the pain actually. I tried that until 5 a.m. until I have fallen asleep. 

But I knew there was something to worry about.  I was tempted to text my partner that the spot of blood I found is freaking me but all I can ever sent him is a text message that says I love him. I was scared. The last time this happened to me was during my 10th week and an ultrasound revealed a minimal subchorionic hemorrhage. I was relieved by a medication that lasted for 10 days and a pelvic rest (no sexual activities all during the medication period).  

At 8:00 a.m. that day my Ob is nowhere to find. I went to her clinic; to my disappointment her secretary can’t even tell where she is at. Her phone is out of reach. I almost send her a message saying “hey doc, are you ok?” sarcastically. I can’t believe no one knows where my Obstetrician is.

From her office, we went to the nearest district hospital where I had my urinalysis done. When the lab technician hand me the result I knew I’ll be having a week with 2 kinds of antibiotics for a urinary tract infection and another for a vaginal infection. 

From the hospital we went back to her office hoping that she can read the result and prescribe me the necessary drugs I needed but she was still out. Her secretary then said she was out for a week already and I'm not the only patient looking for her. Great, isn’t it? The doctor that is supposed to help me with my pre-natal care is not around. And you know what is greater than that? She is the only Ob in town; the rest is all general practitioners!!!

We went home, got my personal stuffs and headed ourselves to Kalibo, several towns from ours, to find another doctor. I don’t have to wait for my Ob to read the laboratory results. I don’t even have the idea if I can find her that day. 

So my mother drove me to Kalibo instead where there are better facilities (and of course where there is available doctor to attend to me). It is a 36-kilometer away from home and 45 minutes ride. In our case, since mama is the one driving, make it 1 hour and maybe another 10 more minutes. Before we arrive, we were informed that she was at Manila and she it is impossible for her to attend to me but she has someone to cover her duty. As Instructed we went to the clinic she told us. Upon checking, OB says I had this premature opening of cervix (triggered by my infections), specifically the external OS. My condition should be prevented or else it can lead me to a premature delivery of the fetus.

An hour later, I found myself in one of the ob-ward of Dr. Rafael Tumbokon Memorial Hospital. I was confined to 312 to have a bedrest, was given intravenous, and medications to relax my uterus and treat my infections.

I am now home from a three-day hospital admission. I was diagnosed with UTI (again) to consider premature labour. It didn’t scare me not until today when everything sinks in. I never realized that I almost lost my precious little one. Since I am only on my 5th month my baby is not likely to survive.

By the way, I went home without seeing my Ob… The doctor that happened to cover up for her just uses the trunkline to check on me.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Will you be my Godparents?

A special request to the following to become our baby's godparents:

 Sheena dela Peña
Ellyn Villanueva
 Danielle Vanessa Ereñeta Arisola
Shannah Laminero
Aicee Alvarez
Roa Fuentespina
Christine Cogolio Feraren
Ma. Rowena Novillos
Ronald Esquillo
 Arnaldo Bangalisan
Thomas Albacete
Tets Camingawan
Dominic Pecadizo
Anthony Linsasagin

I'm little now, but I want to grow and be strong...
I want to do great things and make a difference in someone's life...
I want to live for the moment and enjoy the precious things that happen in the everyday and not take them for granted...
I want to walk along the paths that had never been walked and discover the beauty hidden there...
I want to be still and quiet and know that even though I am alone, I am not lonely...
I want to see the world and the majesty that lies therein...
I want to share my thoughts and dreams without being afraid of ridicule...
I want to be special...
I want to be loved and cherished for who I am...
I'm little now, but I will grow, and I want you there with me...

I indeed need some extra hands to help me learn and grow. 
I think that yours would be the best.
'cause Mommy and Daddy told me so.

Will you be my Godparents?

(note: I got the text from a pre-made online card, not my own words)

Monday, April 11, 2011

Feeling great

Today, I am simply happy... I loveyou Baby!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Looking forward to see you

Hi baby, 

Mommy is so excited to see you. I'm looking forward to bring you home. My room is going to be yours and I'm pretty sure this will never be the same again. This room will be filled with joy like never before.
See you soon my dear. Be strong always:)

The promise of a new life 
beams like the sun rising o'er the East--   
Bright, vibrant, illuminating, warm. 
The light you are destined to bring to this world 
has already brightened all our lives-- 
as it is sure to spread to every corner of this land. 
Yet, even as shadow recedes as noon approaches there 
is always somewhere not warmed by the light-- 
how unfortunate these spaces would be if not lighted
by you--the warmest radiance of all.

And, as it is that we cannot but glimpse the brightness 
of our solar friend without fear of blindness, 
neither can we gaze into your brilliance to see 
what so many tomorrows will bring. 
But the promise of discovery makes every moment elapsed 
an eternity of possibilities.

And though we cannot know what bright future
destiny holds for you, 
we can all imagine, dream, ponder. 
Yet, in the end you will choose on what celestial path 
you wish to wander. 
And, such as the stars arise from the collection 
of matter to one venue, 
So will your life be made from what you gather 
from those around you. 
Thus, though the path you choose will be your own, 
the journey of your life will never be yours alone.
*by Chadwick A. 

Saturday, April 09, 2011

For my wonderful baby

Yesterday was wonderful,
For I saw a tiny heart beating...

Today I feel wonderful,
for it takes just a soft kick to remind me I am not alone...

And even more wonderful,
For I heard my baby's heart beating so fast...

But I bet tomorrow will be the most wonderful of all...
for I shall see the most beautiful smile...
Hear the sweetest cry...
and  feel the warmest touch...
I love you baby

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Proud and Happy Mommy

20th week pregnant

I’m halfway done my pregnancy and as much as I wanted not to complain, I sometimes find my big belly very uncomfortable to move around. Every day is a day of dizziness, back pains, lower abdominal pains and among others. I thought I’d be more comfortable on my second trimester but I am absolutely not.

However, having my baby moving and kicking inside my belly is so amazing. Those kick (which I mistaken for popping air bubbles before I truly realized it’s my baby! Funny) is so creepy yet it makes my day complete.

and there is still so much of untold joys while my baby has a lot of growing left to do... :)

I love you so much Baby... Thank you for the smile you put in mommy's face everyday

Monday, April 04, 2011

Thank you letter for your Dad

Hi baby! I'm missing your Dad today. Its been days since I heard from him. I totally understand why he should work on board and not spend days with us. Let's just pray for his safety, always. Daddy loves you so much. He is working so hard for the two of us, especially for you because he wanted the best for you. We are lucky to have him.

My letter for your Dad:

I wake up each morning eager to see your face and hear your voice.  I always wanted to hear those sweet morning words of yours. “Anong gusto mong almusal?” like you never fail to ask me what I want for breakfast no matter how late you go to bed the night before or how busy the day is ahead of you. 

Sometimes you sound a little bit annoyed (sleepless as you are). There were times it seems you’re just being obliged. In either ways I find it lovely to get up from bed with you. You are very well appreciated for being such.

This morning I was hoping to see you beside me. I heard you talking to me last night telling me how much you miss me--just like the old times, you're the only one who do the talking until I've fallen to sleep. A sweet melody to my existence. You're always the sweetest person. Warm hugs and sweet nothings which I'll never get tired of is almost real. Almost real.
I woke up today quite disappointed.  I wonder then how it feels on your end to wake up and not have me next to you. But then, I miss you so much.

You should know this, you are always here with me, and I never felt alone since you left.

I am so grateful to find a man who never promised me of good life but someone who assured me to stay beside me and yes, finally,  is willing to grow with me. With you,  I don't need to depend to a responsible man alone to make this relationship work. You made me a part of this journey thus establishing mutual respect and understanding —Thank you.

This is about two people who walk hand in hand to make their journey meaningful and strong enough to surpass imperfections. 

Every step I take with you is beyond belief. Moments I would always love to take pleasure in for it seems it is too good to last. I’m enjoying every single second like no one could come between the two of us. 

Even though I’m scared of not seeing things beyond this promising bliss, I remain to trust what is at hand. Simply because I feel you and I believe you.

What’s the worst that could happen? It’s me waking up one sunny morning and I can no longer feel you. May we stay strong for each other. 

I’m looking forward to see a ray of sunlight through my window, with you and our precious little one next to me.

I love both of you.  


I never had the chance to say how thankful I am for being with the kind of person one could always be proud of, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Afternoon walk at Pantalan with Judiel Ian

Saturday, April 02, 2011